[Groop]'tis a sad day for me...

[Gary Grossmann]

Various Groopies wrote:

>>> Are we REALLY sure there's a Gary? I mean, has anybody really seen
>>>him?
>>
>> Yup, I've seen him. Two times even.
>>
> I've sent him some Malaysian newspaper reprints and recieve Groo comics
> from him as our trade.  So the person is there as I get some Groo comics,
> but I'don't know if his/her name is really Gary or Erin or somebody else
> pretending  he/she is Gary.

OK OK.  The time has finally come.  It's time to admit it.  It's true.  I
don't really exist.  I mean, yeah, I am a person who pounds away at his
computer sending ridicules messages to you all; and Ruben and Shane and Eric
have actually seen a flesh and blood person answering to the name of "Gary";
But the whole concept of Gary Grossmann, the Most Obsessed Groo Fan in the
Universe (and beyoooonnnnnnd!) is nothing more than an elaborate hoax
thought up by Sergio & Mark!

Think about it.  A 45 year old man with an otherwise Ward Cleaver existance
spending almost all his spare time hunting the world over for every scrap of
paper on which Groo has been printed?  And this guy JUST HAPPENS to have one
son in a tiny, academically exclusive college where the creator of the Groo
mailing list also goes/went and another son who JUST HAPPENS to go to
college 15 minutes away from the headquarters of the current Groo Publisher?
It's all a little too much to swallow if you ask me!

Here's what happenned.  Mark created "Gary Grossmann" as joke to amuse the
mailing list.  When Sergio was going to Vancouver BC, in Ruben's backyard,
he decided to have the mythical Gary G. appear.  I was (and still am) an
airport janitor when Sergio came across me in the Men's room and asked if
I'd like to make a few bucks.  Having been asked that question many times
before during the course of my employment, I was just about to level him
with my mop and call Security, when he sort of was able to explain in that
goofy accent of his (which I didn't buy for a minute!) what he wanted me to
do. So I showed up on que at the Vancouver Con and things have sort of
snowballed from there.

Incidently, I'm not sure if "Ruben" actually exists either.  For all I know,
the guy I saw in Vancouver and Seattle calling himself Ruben was hired just
like I was.  The Sergiography & Groo List concepts are a little too similar
if you ask me.

So what about all the stuff on the Groo List, you ask?  Beats the heck out
of me!  I don't even know if half of it exists!  I just add stuff that you
folks tell me about and then I add whatever Mark tells me to.  I mean come
on folks, how the heck is anyone gonna find a Turkish comic book?

And what about all the stuff I've written in the last few years?  Well, some
of it I wrote-which is not bad for an airport janitor-and some of it Mark
wrote.  Let me put it this way.  If you thought it was funny, I wrote it.
If it wasn't funny, Mark wrote it.

And finally, you may ask, what does one get paid for assisting in this great
charade?  Well, once again I must say, beats the heck out of me? Sergio told
me to see Mark about getting paid, something about his green card doesn't
allow him to have employees.  Mark keeps referring me to people who owe HIM
money, which seems to be everyone who ever sold a comic or put on a
convention.

So there you have it.  The whole sordid story.  I feel so much better now.

Take care all -Gary G. (real name Marvin Ribostat)

PS  There is currently one Erin, two Becky's, and a partidge in a pear tree
right next to the shed with no door. [Calling Zoltron Rebels! Calling
Zoltron Rebels! Time here growing short.  You must prepare the way for the
triumphant return of Glorko the Magnificent. You must...crackle crackle...
fizzzzzpftttfttttbeeeooooo..pop!!!