[Groop] Very, very OT, but worth it, I PROMISE!
Wed, 29 Mar 2000 22:20:38 EST
Do you have friends who forward you EVERY SINGLE chain email in existence?
Well next time, respond with THIS! (if you've received this already, ummm,
Whoever decided to create this note and forward it on should receive some type
of humanitarian award. It says it all!
1. Big companies don't do business via chain letters. Bill Gates is not giving
you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is no baby food
company issuing class-action checks. Proctor and Gamble is not part of a
satanic cult or scheme, and its logo is not satanic. MTV will not give you
backstage passes if you forward something to the most people.
You can relax; there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true".
Furthermore, just because someone said in a message, four generations back,
that "we checked it out and it's legit", does not actually make it true.
2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a
bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their
cousin. If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney theft ring stories, see:
And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests
for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories.
None have." That's "none" as in "zero". Not even your friend's cousin.
3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if they
do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at:
Then, if you make the recipe, decide the cookies are that awesome, feel
free to pass the recipe on.
4. If the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went to
particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this information
would reach the public via an AOL chain letter?
5. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, ever, ever
forward any e-mail containing any virus warning unless you first confirm that
an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with viruses. Try:
http://www.norton.com and even then, don't forward it. We don't care. And you
cannot get a virus from a flashing IM or e-mail, you have to download....ya
know, like, a FILE!
6. There is no gang initiation plot to murder any motorist who flashes
headlights at another car driving at night without lights.
7. If you're using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write e-mail, turn off the
"HTML encoding." Those of us on UNIX shells can't read it, and don't care
enough to save the attachment and then view it with a web browser since you're
probably forwarding us a copy of the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway.
8. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message from a
friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing
everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. It sure wouldn't hurt
to get rid of all the ">" that begins each line either. Besides, if it has
gone around that many times we've probably already seen it.
9. Craig Shergold (or Sherwood, or Sherman, etc.) in England is not dying of
cancer or anything else at this time and would like everyone to stop sending
him their business cards. He apparently is no longer a "little boy" either.
10. The "Make a Wish" foundation is a real organization doing fine work, but
they have had to establish a special toll free hot line in response to the
large number of Internet hoaxes using their good name and reputation. It is
distracting them from the important work they do.
11. If you are one of those insufferable idiots who forwards anything that
"promises" something bad will happen if you "don't," then something bad will
happen to you if I ever meet you in a dark alley.
12. Women really are suffering in Afghanistan, and PBS and NEA funding are
still vulnerable to attack (although not at the present time) but forwarding
an e-mail won't help either cause in the least. If you want to help, contact
your local legislative representative, or get in touch with Amnesty
International or the Red Cross. As a general rule, e-mail "signatures" are
easily faked and mean nothing to anyone with any power to do anything about
whatever the competition is complaining about.
PS: There is no bill pending before Congress that will allow long-distance
companies to charge you for using the Internet.
Bottom Line ... composing e-mail or posting something on the Net is as easy as
writing on the walls of a public restroom. Don't automatically believe it
until it's proven false... ASSUME it's false, unless there is proof that it's
true. Some of these emails with bogus rumors that have gone around have caused
great harm to upstanding companies and their images. For instance, KFC, there
is no way to grow chicken parts without growing the whole chicken.
Now forward this to everyone you know or the program I just put on your hard
drive while you read this E-mail will open up your CD-ROM and reach out and
slap you upside the head!