[Groop][Fwd: [molers] jokes.. True medical stories]
Azamin
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Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 10:08:44 +0800
Subject: [molers] True medical stories
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MessageFunny, good ones to perk up your Friday morning!
True medical stories
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the=
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, =
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were sev=
eral cabs, and I was in the wrong one. (Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, T=
X)
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and sligh=
tly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.=
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient. (Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle=
, WA)
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husb=
and had died of a massive myocardial infarction. Not more than five minutes=
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of=
a "massive internal fart." (Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada)
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I p=
laced the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right e=
ye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Agai=
n, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't=
even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had=
done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes co=
vered. I was laughing too hard To finish the exam. (Dr. Matthew Theodropolo=
us, Worcester, MA)
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his Cardiologist, he=
informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medica=
tions. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new =
one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him=
quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the ma=
n had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal =
of the old patch before applying a new one. (Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk=
, VA)
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple =
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and w=
earing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patien=
t had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When =
she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that =
her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that re=
ad, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote=
a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
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<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2>Funny, good ones to perk up your Friday
morning!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>True medical stories</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to
the cab,<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>lifted the lady's dress, and
began to take off her underwear.<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>Suddenly
I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in <SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>the<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>wrong
one.<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>(Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio,
TX)</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
chest wall. "Big<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the<SPAN class=810505101-28062002>
</SPAN>patient.<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>(Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle, WA)</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>her husband had died of a
massive myocardial infarction.<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>Not more
than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>of the family that he had died of a "massive
internal fart."<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>(Dr. Susan Steinberg,
Manitoba, Canada)</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the
chart and began,<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>"Cover your right eye
with your hand." He read the 20/20 line<SPAN class=810505101-28062002>
</SPAN>perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>requested. There was silence. He couldn't even
read the large E on<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>the top line. I turned
and discovered that he had done<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>exactly
what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>covered. I was laughing too hard To finish the
exam.<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>(Dr. Matthew Theodropolous,
Worcester, MA)</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>Cardiologist,<SPAN class=810505101-28062002>
</SPAN>he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>with one of his medications. "Which one?" I
asked. "The patch. The<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>nurse told me to
put on a new one every six hours and now<SPAN class=810505101-28062002>
</SPAN>I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
undress <SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>and<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes,
the man had<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>over fifty patches on his
body! Now the <SPAN class=810505101-28062002>i</SPAN>nstructions include
removal<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>of the old patch before applying a
new one.<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>(Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk,
VA)</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman <SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>with<SPAN class=810505101-28062002>
</SPAN>purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk,<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
strange clothing,<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute<SPAN class=810505101-28062002>
</SPAN>appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>was completely disrobed on the operating table,
the staff<SPAN class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>noticed that her pubic hair had
been dyed green, and above it there<SPAN class=810505101-28062002>
</SPAN>was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the<SPAN
class=810505101-28062002> </SPAN>surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a
short note on the<BR>patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the
lawn."</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<br>
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