[Groop]Groo-ish Tales (OT)

[Gary Grossmann]

Hi Folks!

Those you you who have not yet purchased Mark's book, "Comic Books and Other
Necessities of Life" should do so immediately.  It is a great read.  And
because it is a compilation of his POV articles, you can flip around and
read things at random, which works out great for a lot of us.

I just read a great little piece in which Mark puts forth the idea that we
are all Clark Kent with Superman fantasises of one kind or another.  (and
since it's Clark the gawky nerd-boy that we all relate to, making him hip,
cool, rich, and or famous as he has been in some incarnations doesn't work
for Mark.)  In this article he tells a great self-depreciating tale of how,
having been forced to skip second grade because of his extraordinary [comic
book
reading induced] abilities in reading and writing, he is faced with social
ostracism because he can't hit a "sock ball."  Sock ball of course being a
game that everyone learned in the second grade.

Oh, Mark!!  I wonder how many thousands and thousands of your readers have a
tale of woe that is a variation on this timeless theme?  When you are a kid
and when you are a boy, being different and being inept at the sport de jour
is as terrible as life can get.  In my case, I wasn't smart enough to skip
grades, but my silly parents started me in school earlier than necessary
which only accentuated the fact that I was incredibly tiny.  For years I
thought my real name was "Pipsqueak" and "Gary" was just something my
parents called me.  My younger sister was a head taller.  (Some of you who
have met me will be shocked to to know I had to grow 10 inches in high
school just to get to my current lofty elevation.  In jr. high, there were a
grand total of 3 girls shorter than me in a school of 1000 students.  Short
boys keep track of these things.)

Anywho, my sport of humiliation was baseball.  I loved baseball. I still
love baseball.  But I couldn't play the darn game worth a damn.  I could not
see a pitched ball going more than 5mph-even though I had 20-20 vision-and
to say I threw like a girl is an insult to all women.   I had trouble
throwing from first base to second, let alone from the outfield to anywhere.
And a fly ball was as likely to hit me in the head as land in my glove.
More likely.

Years later my son was getting his eyes tested and was a given a depth
perception test.  Having never had one, I asked the eye doctor to give it to
me as well.  After I looked at a couple of the drawings, he closed the book
and announced to me that my left eye didn't work properly and I had no depth
perception.  None.  So I said "Gee, that would make it hard for me to hit a
baseball wouldn't it?"  He chuckled and said  "Well, yes, I imagine you have
trouble seeing a pitched ball going more than 5mph."

Within a year or so I was getting a physical or something and the doctor
said, "My, that's a nasty little case of scoliosis you have in your right
shoulder."  He explained that meant my shoulder was essentially scrunched
down.  So I said "Gee, that would make it kind of hard to throw a baseball
very effectively, wouldn't it?"  He chuckled and said "Well, yes, it would
be impossible.  I'll bet you were always told you threw like a girl."

Once in my car I thought about this latest piece of information and the
recent revelation about my eyes and when I got home my wife asked me how the
physical had gone.  So I told her "Hey, Hon, good news.  You know how I told
you my childhood horror stories about trying to play baseball?  All these
years I thought I was an incredibly inept and uncoordinated klutz.  Well, it
turns out the
real reason I stunk at baseball is because I'm a one-eyed hunchback!  Isn't
that great?"

Have a good weekend everybody, -Gary G.  (Who still plays z-level
church-league slow-pitch co-ed softball.)