[Dynagroove] Why 99% of All DJs SUCK!

[Cade O Nelson]

Can you send the cliffnotes version please?



On Fri, 30 Mar 2001 DowntempoJazz at aol.com wrote:

> Ever wonder why you often feel so unfulfilled after a night out at a club=
? Do=20
> you find yourself getting home before midnight more and more often? Have =
you=20
> noticed that the majority of DJs leave you feeling empty? Or worse, you'r=
e=20
> not even conscious of them while you're at the club! The following may sh=
ed=20
> some light on why so few DJs reach that international status, while the=
=20
> overwhelming majority of them just plain suck.
>=20
> =B7 OVER-ZEALOUS MIXING PART I: PLAY THE DAMN CHOON!
> Most DJs don't respect the records they're playing. They mix out of a son=
g at=20
> the first instrumental break. This is a sure sign he/she's an amateur. A =
good=20
> DJ knows that the breaks and the pauses in a song are as much a part of t=
he=20
> journey through the music as the vocals and peaks. I had a DJ once tell m=
e he=20
> feels he has to do his mix after the first break, roughly three minutes i=
nto=20
> the track, because he starts to feel bored at that point.
> Listen, if you're feeling bored after only three minutes of a song, you'r=
e=20
> playing the WRONG FUCKING SONG! A good record should make you feel as tho=
ugh=20
> you never want it to end! And if you've heard any international caliber D=
Js,=20
> you know they'll "work" songs, sometimes for up to half an hour. How woul=
d=20
> you feel if you were the artist or producer, and you toiled really hard a=
nd=20
> long on a record you're proud of, only to hear it callously edited by som=
e=20
> half-assed, runny nosed, over-zealous, mix-happy kid DJ?
>=20
> =B7 OVER-ZEALOUS MIXING PART II: ON BEAT? SO WHAT!
> Okay so you can mix seamlessly. Good for you. Go have a Mentos! Most DJs=
=20
> think this is all it takes to make a good DJ. Now, ask yourself, are you=
=20
> conscious of WHERE you're doing your mix? Do you realize how shitty it is=
 to=20
> hear vocals on top of vocals? Do you have any idea how jarring it is to b=
e on=20
> the dancefloor, trying to lose yourself in the music, and be constantly=
=20
> JOLTED back into reality by some DJ who's doing a "perfect" beat mix with=
 a
> thousand instruments from each record clashing? Are you conscious of what=
 key=20
> each record is in? I can't tell you how many times I've heard a DJ, usual=
ly=20
> one who's just loving himself in the booth, mix two records seamlessly th=
at=20
> aren't in the same key. Basslines on top of basslines, chords on top of=
=20
> chords. It doesn't matter that the beats are on point. It sounds like shi=
t.=20
> Don't you listen to your records first? Like, what the fuck?!
>=20
> A good DJ's set is like a journey; a driving trip through the country, wh=
ere=20
> you don't know what the destination will be but you're loving the ride. W=
ith=20
> each turn or bend in the road, you're supposed to be surprised at how you=
=20
> ended up in that great place. A shit DJ will take the bumpiest roads, not=
=20
> letting you soak in the scenery while at the same time confusing you with=
 too=20
> many things to "look at" at once. If you're DJing, and you're so anxious =
that=20
> you can't wait until the drum break at the final moments of the song to d=
o=20
> your mix? Fuck you then.
>=20
> =B7 MISPLACED EGOS.
> Many shitty DJs are too busy drawing attention to themselves either by th=
eir=20
> above-mentioned, over-zealous mixing, or by their antics in the booth. A=
=20
> truly GREAT DJ always draws the attention to the great music they're=20
> playing... and in turn, this draws the crowd's attention back to the DJ a=
nd=20
> how great he/she really is. Of course there are exceptions to this rule.
> Hip-hop DJs,  and turntablists. These are DJs who've made a name for=20
> themselves by putting on a show. And there's nothing wrong with creativel=
y=20
> sampling sounds, acapellas, beats and such over other music as a means to=
=20
> narate your "story". But a truly good DJ always understands that a good=
=20
> record is what makes them shine to the people on the dancefloor, and like=
 my=20
> previous points, there's nothing worse than hearing a song - a song that =
took=20
> effort and time to make - be butchered by some dreck who thinks he's more=
=20
> important than all the talent that went into making the music he's playin=
g.=20
> It's like this: if you're a DJ who thinks you're more important than the=
=20
> person who made the record you're playing, you're most likely a DJ with a=
=20
> misplaced ego, or... you're playing a REALLY crappy record.
>=20
> On the other hand, a good DJ has to have a big enough ego to think he/she=
 is=20
> smarter and wiser than the people on the dancefloor. Don't confuse this w=
ith=20
> arrogance. It's not. It's an almost maternal instinct. It's the confidenc=
e to=20
> take care of the people you are playing to. You need to think you're smar=
ter=20
> than everyone listening to you but only cuz you care about them...and you=
=20
> want them to suckle on the breast that is your great taste in music. Don'=
t=20
> laugh or roll your eyes! Like the mamma bird feeding her open-beaked chic=
ks,=20
> a good DJ feeds the hungry dancefloor chicks.
>=20
> =B7 NO EMOTION PART I: SELECTION.
> Too many DJs don't truly love the music they play. They're too caught up =
in=20
> trying to appease the other DJs in the room, the club owner (find me a cl=
ub=20
> owner that has taste in music!), the promoter, or their own misguided sen=
se=20
> of what's cool, and not concentrating on playing music they honestly have=
 an=20
> emotional connection to. In fact, scratch "concentrating" from that sente=
nce.=20
> This is something you shouldn't have to think about. There is that all=20
> important middle ground a DJ must find when trying to do a good job pleas=
ing=20
> everyone, but at no time should a DJ play records that he/she doesn't rea=
lly=20
> "feel".
> That logic should also transcend into programming (remember that word? A =
lot=20
> of DJs don't even know about it!). The selection, and the order in which =
each=20
> song is played should also involve feeling. A good DJ plays with the emot=
ions=20
> of his crowd and knows when to create drama. A good DJ knows that intensi=
ty=20
> is only really felt against the contrast of serenity. Shit DJs, in fact m=
ost=20
> DJs, keep you at one level the entire time. There'sothing worse than a ni=
ght=20
> of peaks with no valleys. If you don't understand this point... you're pa=
rt=20
> of the problem.
>=20
> =B7 NO EMOTION PART II: THE PEOPLE
> Truly good DJs love the people on the dancefloor. They have an emotional=
=20
> connection to the communal experience they are creating. If a DJ loves=20
> his/her crowd, that crowd will most definitely know it. They'll feel it i=
n=20
> the way the music caresses, arouses, and in some cases, makes mad,=20
> passionate, raunchy love to them. I could carry this metaphor to its extr=
eme,=20
> but I'm sure you could on your own. This is a simple fact. No need to=20
> elaborate, so I'll move on.
>=20
> =B7 DJ PENIS ENVY
> The majority of bad DJs have small penises. It's a proven fact. Why else=
=20
> would they want to be DJs anyway? The DJ booth, like sports cars, guns, a=
nd=20
> movies about men in submarines, is just a big phallic symbol. DJs are all=
=20
> insecure on some level. Because of that, they're unnecessarily competitiv=
e=20
> with all the other DJs they know. This is evident in the DJ who is more=
=20
> pre-occupied with playing test-pressings and acetates than making the cro=
wd=20
> rock. Too many DJs(now I'm going to use that word again that most DJs don=
't=20
> even know) program their music based on trying to impress the other DJs i=
n=20
> the club. This is why you often have situations where the crowd on the=20
> dancefloor looks like they're attending a wake, while the DJ stupidly spi=
ns=20
> brand new promo after brand new promo... test pressing after dub plate af=
ter=20
> acetate. The other DJs and trainspotters around the perimeter of the club=
=20
> (not dancing of course) are all loving it, going on about how they're hea=
ring=20
> all kinds of unreleased music. Meanwhile the crowd is dying a slow death.=
=20
> Just because a record is new, doesn't mean it's good! Let's just peel the=
=20
> Band-Aid off real slow, one hair at a time, shall we? Often, these DJs ar=
e=20
> the same skunts that bring way too many records to a gig, as if to show o=
ff=20
> all the records they own, that the other DJs in the room don't have. If=
=20
> you're one of these DJs you probably also email your playlist to half the=
=20
> world too...and... well,you have a small dick! Again I say: FUCK YOU.=20
> -t.b.
>=20
>=20
> ________________________________________________________
> Dynagroove at reelhouse.net
> http://mistress.lavirtual.net/mailman/listinfo/dynagroove
>=20
> Brought to you by Reelhouse Network
> http://www.reelhouse.net
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