[Dynagroove] top 11 things I hate about house the scene

[miker]

i guess you would know the results of an all almost all vocal set ^cough^
solid gold ^cough^  but what do i know, i didnt go to that last one.

dude let me tell you, i used to dj with dj tonka & daft punk it was so
super-underground we had map points hosted by billy zane & the parties were
held in old meat packing plants and i once spun on 5 turntables & 3 DATs.  but
you never wanted to play my parties back then  :(

dont be hatin on funk phenomena, whats next, making fun of "get your hands up
in the air, get your hands up in the air..."  :P

and i wish i could drink a GOOD beer/drink & leer/lurk on the side or hold up
the wall with all the other wannabeDJs.  but i cant, underground house parties
dont ever think about the alcoholic that i have become.  If i wanted to drink
cranberry, orange, or jungle juice, i would have stopped by jamba before the
party.  Stock some fucking tonic bitches or a decent whiskey, or real mixer
i.e. pepsi/coke.  How hard is it to do this????  yeah, i know juices & fruits
help with a certain warm temp client island theme, but hell i dont do crack
with my wine anymore so...  i'll gladly let you make more than 8% profit on me
from drinks.  ;)

and everyone is a promoter especially _On_This_List_ thanks for reminding me 4
times a day, everyday for 2 months that bad guy eddie will be playing a party.

and how about this...  for the next solid gold cade finds himself a gf to play
his records & zack lets a certain famous cookie creator play his slot...
--m  (lookin forward to seeing his favorite transvestite dj twice this week)


-----Original Message-----
From:	Cade [mailto:con at dynagroove.com]
Sent:	Fri 5/27/2005 4:27 PM
To:	dynagroove at dynagroove.com
Cc:
Subject:	[Dynagroove] top 11 things I hate about house the scene
thought I would start some shit.  Here are the top 11 things I hate about
the house music scene......  This is supposed to be funny so relax

Number 11:  All the girls go crazy for any vocal.  I like a vocal.. But I
like some chunky funky shit.  But every house girl seems to drop her
panties for the all vocal set or the all vocal DJ.  So annoying.. The music
does not need a vocal.. Sometimes it is good.  But it is the whole package
that makes us dance right?  Sometimes I think of the sample or the
instrument as a vocal.  Don't believe me?  Look at how many vocals Heather,
Mark Farina, and Diz play.. Not that many.... Besides it is easy to bust out
the all vocal set.

Number 10:  Everyone is a DJ.   No matter what party you go to 40% of the
crowd
is a DJ and they have no problems telling you over and over again. Often times
lying about where they are from and who they have played for and with.

Number 9:  Everyone is a promoter.  Every night someone walks up to me and
tells me how they are going to do this party and how they have the hook up for
Derrick Carter.  Oh and they want me to play along with <list 15 other locals
here>

Number 8:  Classic songs that even sucked back then.  It sucked back then it
sucks now.  retire that record...  retire it...  Good examples "Funk
Phenomena"
and "Ex.... Ex..... Ex... Travaganza"

Number 7: Songs that sing about "house music."  In the beggining there was
jack..  And I could give jack shit.  and I could care less if not everyone
understood house music or house music will never dye.. or if that girl is
going
to house me.  I thought it was annoying when the rocks bands sang about Rock
and Roll...  Now it is just as annoying when sum unknown deevah screams about
house music.

Number 6:  Worshiping a bad dj just because he made a hit or two back in the
day.   I mean come on he was make sick shit in 88 - 95 now he just does not
have it anymore.  Maybe he found god maybe he does not enjoy his job anymore
(A
wicked famous SF DJ) but the guy just plane sucks now.  But noooo we have to
clap even louder for his train-wrecks and technically ill mixing..

Number 5:  People who thin I get rich of my parties.  I mean come on do you
have any idea how much it costs to throw a party?  And I am bring two out of
town guests in and you think $20 is absurd?  Hell I know local only line ups
that you fewl are happy to pay $30 for.  I think on average after all my
parties I maybe be maybe 8% profit.  You think I am greedy?  You throw a party
and learn your lessons *wink*

Number 4:  The people who stand around the dance floor with their beer in
there
hand sneering.  I am sorry did mommy make you come out tonight?  Are you
hating
life?  House music is a dance music.  Move dat as fucker.  Stop leering, stop
lurking, and remember how to have a good time.  Stop trainspotting and
remember
to have fun.  You can still look at the girls even when you are dancing.

Number 3:  Girl DJs that get booked on their looks rather then talent. They
say
you got it you mind as well use it.  I can't fault them for doing it.  But it
annoys me anyway.   Honey you suck!  Your only getting booked because of two
reasons A)  The promoter is or wants to hump you or B) The promoter wants the
guys in the crowd to want to hump you.  Learn how to match a beat and pull a
record your boyfriend didn't choose for you.

Number 2:  DJs that need to announce to you that they can "rock the crowd"
better then the current DJ.  So there I am at my club.  I have booked some
pretty decent local talent and I am enjoying their music.  Some fucking
numbskull from some crew then says "Yo man why are you booking these guys?  We
can rock the crowd much better then them."  Uhh A) No you can't and B) Get
your
rude ass self out of my face.

And the NUMBER 1 thing I hate about the house scene!!!!!!!!


NUMBER 1:  DJS that play the same set over and over again.  A DJ hands me a CD
and two weeks later I hear him playing the same shit out.  A year later I hear
him play a large chunk of it again.  WTF?  Do you have no innovation? Your the
same guy who writes down on a piece of paper the pitch setting for you planned
set.  Yeah I know who you guys are I spot you from a mile away.  Having
problems following another DJ?  Have to bring the pitch up or down so you are
in your comfort zone?  HA!  You not a DJ your a walking CD player.   Stop
planning your sets and get out there and feel the crowd.



Oh man that was fun..  And yes it is supposed to be funny.. So enjoy it and
don't get mad or I will have to ad a number 12: House heads are too damn
serious!  *wink*

Cade
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