[Groop]NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

[Volker 'V.A.G' Greimann]

 > To the citizens of the United States of America, In the
 > light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and
 > thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
 > revocation of your independence, effective today.
 > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
 > monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and
 > other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
 > Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for
 > the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware
 > that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a
 > minister for America without the need for further
 > elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
 > questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
 > whether any of you noticed.
 >
 > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency,
 > the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
 >
 > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
 > Dictionary.
 > Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation
 > guide. You will be amazed at just how incorrectly you
 > have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise
 > your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
 > "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words
 > interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
 > know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
 > communication. Look up "interspersed".
 >
 > 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let
 > Microsoft know on your behalf.
 >
 > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and
 > Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
 >
 > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
 > actors as the good guys.
 >
 > 5. You should relearn your original national
 > anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully
 > carrying out task 1. We would not want you
 > to get confused and give up half way through.
 >
 > 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is
 > only one kind of football. What you refer to as
 > American "football" is not a very good game. The
 > 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world
 > outside your borders may have noticed that no one else
 > plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed
 > to play it, and should instead play proper football.
 > Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It
 > is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in
 > time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to
 > American "football", but does not involve stopping for a
 > rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar
 > body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get
 > together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
 >
 > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using
 > nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The
 > 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
 > is a world outside your borders should count yourselves
 > lucky. The Russians have never been the bad
 > guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
 >
 > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th
 > will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will
 > be called "Indecisive Day".
 >
 > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap
 > and it is for your own good.
 >
 > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us
 > bonkers for almost forty years.
 >
 > Thank you for your cooperation.